It’s just the beginning

How do you know if it is love? Some would say it is through words, others would say it is through actions. A few would say they just felt it. But for the lucky
ones, they knew it at first grade.

Fellow Toastmasters, let me tell you a secret. I am in love, with someone I don’t know yet. And I am bringing this love game to a whole new level right at this moment.

Dearest pretty pumpkin,

I am counting the days. Sixteen years of my life has passed and you’re still not here. You must have been tired from constantly running through my head with no breaks. But I can’t help it. I long for you each minute.

I imagine you in the depths of my dreams. Your priceless beautiful smile. Your eyes that promises eternity. Your skin so crystal clear, like some kind of an angel touched it. I wonder if you think of me too and how you see me in your dreams.

I stand here before these people to tell you that I am sorry for the pain and heartbreaks that I caused you. For letting you spend random dining alone, away from the candle-lit dates you always think of. On those stretching and pressing times in school and work, that you want to give up, and that I was not there to provide comfort and care. For allowing you to not enjoy those prom nights you have attended, for I was not there to give you the attention and affection you truly deserve. For letting you wallow alone in deep sorrow over the loss of a pet, a close friend and a family member. For confusing your mind and heart on the entrance of my copycat charmers to your life, only to break you and tear you apart.

I know. I let you weep for my delayed entrance, but honey, we both know it is for the best. That it is not yet the perfect time for us to be together. My love, I am afraid that if we meet this early, when our lives are both half baked and vastly changing, we may have not appreciated our company and ourselves well. That I cannot stomach your going gaga over marionettes, board games and Korean reality shows and flicks. That you on the other hand, may find me uninteresting over a book of poems and proses. For in our current lives, we are immature, spontaneous, reserved, doubtful, and stubborn, and that we are only to mingle in a world that is meant to hurt and destroy us, until nothing is left of us. Stakes are too high.

Yes, the possibility of already seeing you at a coffee shop or a book store is high enough, but I prefer we socialize when we’re truly ready. When I have learned my lessons on trust and commitment. While you has mastered the art of independence and confidence on oneself When we have become our better selves.

For now, let us continue to live our lives, in the best ways we can only think of, treasure the true friendships and dump the fatal and fake, cherish the unguarded moments, learn from the independent choices we have made, cry over heartfelt movies and life changing stories, laugh over silly jokes. Soon enough, we’ll meet (or meet again), when I am the smart, charming, boy next door that tickles your lips at one glance, and took over your heart the next and when you are that eloquent, witty, pretty lass that had me at your first eye’s twinkle.

Soon enough, candle-lit dinner meals are arranged at the place of your choice. Mondays are filled of exchanges over frappucinos and cheese cakes. Wednesdays become home to our renggas and prosaic poems. Fridays feel outdoorsy and playful as we walk on adventures together. Sundays are when we stay at home, cook food and cuddle while having a roller coaster ride on your favorite Korean flicks.

I cannot wait for these to all happen. But ironically, we have to wait. So here’s a promise that never will I grow tired of developing the dashing best in me, that never will I lose hope on us no matter how hopeless the situations can be, that never will I give up on our pursuit to true love and success.

For at the end of the line, I will have you and we have us. So cheers to our bond that at first instance already meant forever.

With all the love that stays,
Your lover from first grade.

Fellow Toastmasters, through this experience, I have realized that love is undefinable. It conforms no standards, it knows no boundaries. I have learned to value myself more and to not make unnecessary compromises. If loving entails waiting, then be it. Maybe we need to love all kinds of love. Maybe love is still the answer. Maybe love can still make this world better. So love.

As soon as my love has a face and a name, I know it is just the beginning.

Toastmaster of the day.